


shiver and shake like a leaf

by liketogetlost



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 18:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2238462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketogetlost/pseuds/liketogetlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It made no sense, he barely knew her, hadn't spent much time alone with her. She was a kid, the complete opposite of him in every way but there was something about her. Something in her eyes that told him she had this inner strength that he couldn't even pretend to have. </p><p>Or: Five times Seth Gecko needed Kate Fuller.</p>
            </blockquote>





	shiver and shake like a leaf

oo1.

 

If he's being honest, the first time Seth really needed Kate was when he left that damned labyrinth to go find Richie.

 

It made no sense, he barely knew her, hadn't spent much time alone with her. She was a kid, the complete opposite of him in every way but there was something about her. Something in her eyes that told him she had this inner strength that he couldn't even pretend to have. 

 

It was almost instinctive every time he reached out for her, to protect her, or even to ground himself in the moment. He's been getting lost in the labyrinth of his mind for a long time. It's not every day you meet a criminal who can hold up banks and talk bad but who has panic attacks and anxiety. They call Richie the crazy one, but Seth's never felt right in his own head.

 

Every time he's needed him, Richie's been there. Every time he's reached out, Richie's right there ready to hold him up. Seth's all Richie has, but Seth is useless without his brother. No one understands him in the same way, no one gets how to pull him out of it when he's screaming bloody murder from a nightmare. The flames and the smell of lighter fluid followed him all the way to prison where the inmates would yell at him to shut the fuck up while he retched into the stinking, cold metal toilet.

 

He still hasn’t shaken prison itself. Getting his ass beat in the courtyard, or having to worry about getting shived by some lunatic in the showers. Counting down his remaining days, his remaining hours, his remaining minutes until finally Richie pulled him out of that nightmare, too.

 

A couple foster families tried to get both Geckos into therapy, but nothing stuck. They were both too young to appreciate the help, even though Seth remembers feeling most at ease the few times he did open up to the therapists. Every now and then he takes some illegally acquired prescriptions but nothing makes that constant buzzing go away.

 

So Richie wasn't there, but Kate was. She was there, and he felt he had to protect her because he had gotten her into the damn mess. But more than that, every time he reached out and felt her grab him right back, he felt a little less scared.

 

He wasn't about to ask this young girl to leave her father and come with him to find his brother. Not when she needed to find her own, not when she probably hated him and didn't care if he lived or died. 

 

"Good luck." Was all she said. He turned and left, irrationally angry at her. But she had no idea he was such a mess, had no idea he'd already developed an unhealthy attachment to her.

 

And then, like a real fucking angel, he walked out of the Twister and she was there. Was waiting as he walked to the car, the fear already rising in his chest. Fear of going on alone, fear of what his brother had become, and fear of everything he had seen and done. Seth could feel that panic grabbing him by the throat ready to throttle him. But Kate was there, offering him her company, covered in blood and looking lost but not broken, still strong.

 

If he was a good man, a real man who didn’t need anyone, he would tell her to go home. She must have other family in Bethel, or church friends to help her through this whole ordeal. The last thing she needed was to be stuck with a criminal like him. Seth knew everything he touched turned to shit and she didn’t deserve anymore heartache.

 

But Seth thought of getting in that car by himself and he wanted to be selfish. He needed Kate and he wanted to steal her away for himself.

 

"Yeah," he said. He did need her company, he needed it more than she could understand.

 

oo2.

 

He doesn't intend on making Kate a criminal, it just sort of happens.

 

"I can do it, why won't you listen to me?" She keeps on pushing him until he's ready to crack.

 

"I'm not using you, I'm not about to turn an innocent girl into a wanted fugitive just because you won't shut up!"

 

It's not a hard job, just a run of the mill convenience store hold up. They're running low on funds and he's sick of manual labor, knows she's sick of being told she can't get a job. (She could waitress, but he's scared shitless of what could happen to her without him there. He knows she's bored of sitting in the motel rooms while he does under the table jobs but he knows where she is, doesn't have to worry about who could come into the restaurant she's at. Or _what_ could come.)

 

He doesn't expect her to want to help, but he's not stupid. He can see she's changing, whether because she wants to or thinks she has to. She talks about God a little less, acts like the world is so fucked up she can be fucked up too. It messes with his head, makes him feel guilty because it's because of him she's seeing the world for what it is. She's too young, too good, not to still believe in the lies her father told her.

 

But he needs someone to drive the damn car, yet he doesn't want her anywhere near the place when he does the job. 

 

"You're gonna find someone else? Who? Who do we know? We know no one, Seth, and definitely no one we could trust!"

 

He has no response to that, and it's either let her do it or lock her in the room. She'd find a way out, so he brings her along.

 

"Right," he starts, putting one hand on the back of the passenger side and staring hard at her. "You stay in the goddamn car. You sit here, you wait for me. If I'm not back in five minutes, you get the shit outta dodge. If you hear gunshots, you drive. If you hear screaming, you drive. If you hear sirens, you -"

 

"I drive, I got it. Are you always this annoying before a job?" She smirks, and he narrows his eyes. 

 

"You don't come in there for nothing, you hear me? If you do," Seth loads his pistol and slides on his sunglasses. "I'll shoot you myself."

 

Kate rolls her eyes and slides over to the driver's side as he gets out. 

 

But then, when he points the pistol at the shop owner's head, the asshole pulls out his own rifle and points it right at Seth's heart. 

 

In the past, Seth would have just shot him point blank or Richie would have, both without much of a thought. But his finger pauses on the trigger, his heart speeds up, and he notices the lady with her kid huddled in the corner. She's crying, praying to God in Spanish and clutching a rosary, and the kid is looking at him like Seth will be a deciding point on how the rest of his life turns out.

 

It's probably been about seven minutes when he hears a third click of a gun being cocked, and Kate's at the door pointing his glove compartment spare at the shop owner. "Put it down, sir. We don't want any trouble, just the money in that register. Would you rather lose a little money today, or your head?"

 

They get the money, and they jump in the car, Kate driving like a bat out of hell while Seth screams at her. 

 

"Can you not follow simple fucking instructions? You could have been fucking killed!"

 

"And so could have you! Don't you usually account for the clerks to have guns of their own?"

 

"Yeah, but I usually have someone backing me up so it's not a big deal." Seth's breathing hard, thinking of everything that could have gone wrong. Thinking that Kate could have gotten shot, trying not to think about it because it's making the panic come back.

 

"Well, you still do." She smiles, dry wind whipping through her hair and throwing strands of it into her face.  She looks young and fearless and stupid, and he hates himself for how he  _wants her_  backing him up.

 

" _Would you rather lose a little money today, or your head_?" Seth mocks, swearing. "You gotta work on your one liners, sis."

 

Kate grins and presses her foot harder on the gas. "I thought it was pretty good."

 

Seth just shakes his head and laughs.

 

oo3.

 

They both know that _culebras,_ or 'those blood sucking mother fuckers' as he likes to call them, are still out there. He knows Richie is still out there, Scott too. Kate doesn't talk about her brother, and neither does Seth. Maybe they're bad people for not trying to find them, but Seth thinks whatever gets them through the rest of their lives without truly losing their minds is okay. Going off looking for trouble, looking for those sonsofbitches, is real insanity.

 

But sometimes Seth will turn a corner in a crowded market and he'll see his brother. Face covered in yellow and green scaly skin, eyes inhuman and yellow, fangs out and dripping with blood. Or he'll accidentally bump into a guy on the street and look up and see Carlos, ready to bite into Seth's neck.

 

Every tall, thin, beautiful woman is Santanico ready to rip him apart.

 

He never tells Kate, doesn't need her to know she's put her faith in someone so fucked up. 

 

But he can't keep his fears hidden for long, and he doesn't.

 

One night he wakes Kate up, screaming from inside a dream. Richie has Kate, has his hand gripping her hair and long, sharp talons digging into her side. Seth is yelling at him to stop, gun in his hand and finger on the trigger, but even as Richie smiles at him with his grotesque grin, Seth can't shoot him. Even when he jerks Kate's head to the side, exposes her neck and rips into her throat, he can't do it.

 

The next thing he knows Kate's above him, dodging Seth's flailing arms and running a palm down his tear streaked cheek. 

 

"Seth, Seth, it's okay, it's just a nightmare!" 

 

He can barely breathe, his chest heaving, trying to gulp down air. His eyes are blurry with tears and his body is soaked with sweat. "No, Richie was here, he had you -" He tries to say, the thudding of his heart so fast it hurts.

 

Kate shakes her head, crawling into the bed next to him, feet tucked under her and leaning down to wrap an arm around him. "I'm fine, no one else is here, it's just you and me. Seth, you're okay." Her brow is furrowed, she looks so worried as she strokes his forehead. 

 

He doesn't even think about it as he pulls her to him, laying his head in her lap and gripping her tight. "God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I'm so fucked up, Kate."

 

"You're not, for God's sake." Her voice is hushed and soothing, her hands running up and down his back. "Just breathe, Seth. Breathe with me." 

 

He does, long deep breaths into his lungs, slowly inhaling her sweet scent. She strokes the back of his neck, breathing deep and even until he's in sync with her and more calm.

 

Seth pulls back, face red from burying it in her lap and from shame. "Thanks, uh." He clears his throat, sliding a hand down his face. "I don't usually have dreams like that, -"

 

Kate just shakes her head, pushing him to lay down and getting under the sheets next to him. "Roll over and shut up." 

 

He's very aware that she's in just a shirt and underwear when her legs slide on the back of his own, smooth and warm. Her whole body is warm and comforting where it presses against his back. She doesn’t seem to care that he’s still sweaty as she runs a hand down his forearm and winds her fingers with his. 

 

Seth knows he should tell her he's fine, to go back to her own bed. But his heart is beating normally, his eyes already closing, he feels calm and safe again. Kate is there with him, he can feel her body heat, her life, and he knows she's not in danger. She settles, her lips brushing the back of his neck, and he squeezes her hand. 

 

They both wake the next morning, a little red faced, smiling shyly. The sun catches her skin, makes it glow bright, all over where her bare arms and legs stretch out next to him. "Are you okay?" Is the first thing she says to him.

 

He nods. "Yeah, 'm good." And it's actually true, he hasn't felt this free and relaxed in possibly his whole life.

 

Kate sits up, running a hand through her hair, grown longer and lighter from all the time she's spent in hotel pools lately. It still falls into her face. "How long have you had nightmares like that?"

 

Seth sighs, sitting back against the headboard. "Since I was about nine. Ever since Richie set our father on fire." 

 

Kate's eyes widen. "He-"

 

"Our dad was a prize asshole, he deserved it." It's the first time he's admitted it to himself since he saw the truth. Seth runs a hand over his tattoo, remembering how it hurt like a bitch, remembering how the slam of his father's fist hurt even more. Seth looks up at Kate, all lit up in sun and wrapped in white sheets, as angelic as she'll ever be. "He beat the shit outta me, Richie did what he had to do."

 

Kate nods. 

 

"That was the same time I started having panic attacks, the same time I started having such bad anxiety I could barely stand to go to school." Seth laughs, shaking his head. "Piece of work."

 

Kate suddenly unwraps herself from the bed, straddling Seth's lap, making him start. "What -"

 

She grips the back of his head and stares into his eyes. "You've been through so much, there's nothing wrong with how you handle it, or don't handle it." She sighs, resting her forehead on his. 

 

He doesn't know what to do, where to put his hands. Whether to tell her to move or to pull her closer. He shuts his eyes and rests a hand in the dip of her back, above her behind. "How are you handling it?" He whispers.

 

She laughs, and even the way her nails push into his skin feels comforting. "I should be getting ready for homecoming. I should be taking my SATs, I should be getting to second base with Kyle. I should be worried about college and dorm room furniture. I'm in Mexico with a fugitive, I've robbed people at gunpoint. My entire family is dead, Scott is Lord-knows-what." Kate runs her lips over his cheek. "I'm a mess, but the worst part is, I don't feel bad about the things I've had to do."

 

Seth holds her closer, feels like shit because as much as he worries about her, he's never asked. "Kate, you don't want me. You don't want to fuck up who you should be any more than I already have."

 

Kate pulls back, looking at him with clear eyes. "Who should I be? Prom queen? Good church girl? Criminal?" Outside a bird cries and she smiles. "Seth Gecko's partner?"

 

His fingertips slide under her t-shirt, and he watches her shiver. "Seth Gecko's further undoing."

 

Kate kisses him silent, lips dry and yet soft, quick and sweet. "You're okay, Seth."

 

He believes her, if only for that morning. If only for while he kisses her stupid, kisses her until she giggles at the tickle of his stubble on her skin. 

 

oo4.

 

There's so much of her blood everywhere, he can almost taste it.

 

They'd finally decided to go looking for trouble, to be a couple of fucking morons and find their brothers. It had only landed them smack dab in a nasty nest, neither of the two culebras they were looking to find in sight.

 

Kate's busy with her crossbow, Seth with a stake. They're doing their best, fighting like hell and covering each other's backs when one of the fuckers grabs him and they fall to the floor. He struggles with it, until finally sinking the wood into the back of the thing, shutting his eyes when he feels the dust of its body bust into a cloud over his face.

 

When he looks back at Kate, she's on the floor, blood seeping from her side. 

 

He screams her name, but he can't even go to her before he has to kill three more culebras. Then they're finally alone, and Seth rushes to her.

 

"Kate, Kate, goddammit, Kate!" He yells, slapping her cheek. She's lost consciousness, skin ghostly white where it's not covered in blood. He picks her up and takes her to the car, driving as fast as he can to the nearest place with a doctor. He has no idea where there's an emergency room, he has no idea where he even is. The sun is setting and he hopes to the God he doesn’t believe in he can find a place that’s open. There's something warm under his thigh in the car and it's Kate's blood, moving across the seat. 

 

He gets her to a cramped doctor's office, kicks the door open and starts screaming at the first person he sees. The people in the waiting room are crying out, the nurse telling him he needs to take her to the emergency room. 

 

"If you don't move, she won't be the only one in this room bleeding."

 

The doctor lets him in, leads him to a room where he lays Kate on the exam table. Everything after that is a blur, he watches as they rip her shirt open and work on her wound. He sits in the corner because no one tells him to leave, not that he would if they did. 

 

His hands are stained red, the room smells like iron and he watches as they do the best they can to stop the bleeding. Seth can feel the old familiar pull of his panic, the hot tears at the back of his eyes and the shaking of his limbs. Thinks about how much he needs Kate, how much he needs her right now.

 

But it's more than that, he doesn't just need her, he wants her. He wants her with him, he wants her anywhere she wants to be as long as she's alive and breathing. If she decides she never wants to see him again, it's okay because she'll be alive. Nothing else matters to him at the moment.

 

They stop the bleeding, tell him the wound isn't that bad. Tell him she probably lost consciousness from her head hitting the floor. Tells him it was worse than it looked, that they gave her stitches and now he just has to wait for her to come around. Hope she doesn't have a concussion, but to take her to the emergency room anyway when she wakes up.  He barely hears them after they say she’s fine, the rest of it is just a rush of noise.

 

They don't ask him what happened, don't ask him why the wound looks so strange like she was sliced with a curved talon. He throws a bunch of cash at the doctor and he takes it.

 

They leave him alone with her, her side bandaged and her breathing even. He holds a hand above her chest and watches it move up and down, proof that she's still there with him. He sits next to her on a metal stool, hands together in front of his face. They still shake, and now that he can breathe, he starts to cry.

 

"Jesus, Kate. Jesus fucking Christ." He sobs, and covers his face with his palms.

 

"Don't use the Lord's name in vain." Kate croaks, and Seth looks up to see her smiling at him. She moves towards him, and whimpers. 

 

"Don't move, you'll break your side wide open again. God,  _Kate._ " He breathes. He stands, leaning down to kiss her cheek and rest his forehead on hers.

 

"I'm here." 

 

"Stop, you almost died." He chokes just trying to say the words. Kate dead. He can't imagine it, but it could happen.

 

"I didn't." Kate says, smile in her voice. 

 

He pulls back and shakes his head. "Dammit, Kate, stop acting like this is okay. You almost died, don't lie there still covered in drying blood telling me how you didn't. I won't be the only one freaking out."

 

Kate's eyes well up and darken. "You want me to freak out? You want me to lay here, red in  _my own_  drying blood and cry and scream about how scared I am that I could be dead right now? That I can't even be sure that I'd be in heaven with my Daddy and Mama because of the things that I've done?" Her voice is shaking hysterically, tears running down her face. "You want me to tell you I'm most afraid of leaving you, of not being with you? You're not the only one who's scared, Seth! You don't get to be, goddammit!"

 

He takes her hand and kisses her palm, cupping her cheek. She turns into it, pressing her face into his hand as she sobs.

 

"Hey, babygirl, you're right, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He leans over her, kissing her cheek. "You're just always so okay, I take it for granted that you might not actually be."

 

Later, once she's been checked out and told she's okay, he holds her close in bed. Presses his nose into the nape of her neck, cheap motel shampoo scent smelling like heaven because it's on her. 

 

"I'm scared all the time. I just push it away. I don't know what else to do with that constant fear." They're whispering in dark, it's only nine pm but they're both beyond exhausted.

 

"I know what you mean. It's like living with a demon attached to your fucking back." 

 

Kate laces her fingers with his and holds his hand close to her chest, over her heart. "We can slay each other's demons."

 

He holds her tighter and kisses the back of her neck. "I'd kill a million for you, princess." 

 

oo5.

 

Kate Fuller is not his angel. Kate is not there to keep him sane, to keep him grounded. It’s not her purpose and it’s not her responsibility. She is her own person with her own tragic backstory, and he gets that now.

 

But Kate does help keep him sane, she does help keep him grounded. He does need her, but she needs him too.

 

Seth needs her right now, especially.

 

Needs her to stop looking at him like that when he’s driving. From under her lashes, cheeks pink and head full of ideas.

 

“I’m trying not to crash here, sweetheart.” Seth croaks when she stretches her legs out, rests her feet on the dash so her knees are in her face. Smooth, tan skin as far as the eye can see coming out of her frayed shorts.

 

Kate just shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

They hadn’t expressly decided not to do anything more than kiss until she turned eighteen, but it had been an unspoken agreement. They celebrated her birthday last week with a candle in a Hostess cupcake and some cheap wine at her request. She said she didn’t want anything more than that and he didn’t ask questions.

 

Ever since then there’s been more casual touches, more of that same look she’s giving him right now. She hardly wears a shirt to bed anymore instead clinging to him in her bra and panties, making it hard for him to sleep.

 

Kate takes off her plaid shirt next to him sighing about the heat, revealing her tank underneath and a lot more skin.

 

They don’t make it another mile before he pulls the car over.

 

She smells like sweat and feels like Heaven above him in the backseat. He feels like he’s a teenager, trying to get off in his car with a girl before she has to be back home for the night. Her thighs squeeze around his waist when he slides a hand into her shorts past the waist of her underwear, fingertips touching where she’s hot and slippery wet. She’s already pulled off his t-shirt and kisses his shoulder before burying her face in his neck and whimpering at his touch.

 

 _“Please_ , Seth, more.”

 

“Like that, baby? Feels good, huh?” Seth gasps, using his other hand to pull down the straps of her Henley. Kate leans back and lets him pull it down over her breasts, kissing and sucking through the thin lace of her bra. He teases her clit with his fingers, pulling sweet sounds from her with every pass.

 

Kate reaches down and undoes his jeans, and he swears as her small palm rubs over his cock through his boxers.

 

Seth’s head hits the back of the seat, his eyes closing. “Fucking killing me, girl.”

 

Kate’s laugh turns into hum when she pulls him out, gripping him tight. She tries out a stroke, and Seth’s hips jump making Kate squeal and giggle.

 

After that it’s a frenzied rush of kissing, moaning, touching as much skin as they possibly can in the cramped space. Seth’s mouth is working hard at one of Kate’s nipples, two fingers deep inside where she’s impossibly tight. Kate slides her palm up his cock every time his fingers fuck into her, until they’re both in sync and panting desperately together.

 

“Need you, Kate, need you to come for me, princess.”

 

“Oh God, Seth, so close. Fuck, come for me, too, wanna see you.”

 

Seth looks at her through lidded eyes, watches the way she grinds against his hand. Watches how she licks her lips whenever he slides his thumb over her clit, admires the sunlight catching on the beads of sweat all over her body. Her bra is see through, wet from his spit, hard pink nipples peeking through and she looks defiled and beautiful. He grips at her lower back, curves his fingers inside and it only takes three more pumps of his hand before she’s there.

 

Her hand on his cock stills, and she falls forward against him. Face in his neck, gasping sweetly into his ear, fingers clutching his shoulder and nails digging into his skin as she comes with another person for the first time.

 

Her thighs are shaking, her whole body flushed red and her eyes bleary. She kisses him hard, sucking and biting at his lips, still in that delicious haze as she jerks him harder.

 

“Christ, Kate. You really will be the death of me.” He gasps into her mouth, just before he swears and comes. Shoots hard and fast over her hand, orgasm so good it almost hurts.

 

He tries to catch his breath, running his hands up and down Kate’s thighs, over her calves. She hums, licking at the sweat on his chest. They’re both sticky and gross, but feel so good neither of them can really care.

 

Later, when he’s driving again and letting his fingertips drift over Kate’s smooth thigh, she takes his hand and laces her fingers through his. She smiles at him, and he should feel like a fucking bastard but the world isn’t as simple as that.

 

The road ahead of him looks a lot less lonely with Kate Fuller by his side.

 

 

 


End file.
